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The Story of an Unnamed God, 5oz Delsym+400mg zicam+thc+meditation |
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| Unnamed |
| Posted: Aug 20 2008, 12:47 AM |
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Every day is a gift, but does it have to be socks?
Group: Retired mods
Posts: 3930
Member No.: 5380
Joined: 9-June 05
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Don't let anyone ever tell ya a nice psychotic experience can't possibly teach you something.  What an interesting night. Anyway, i came back(mostly sane, i actually waited a few days to post it just to make sure, for those who may start to worry within the context of the story...for those i'd ask to please finish it before any critisisms) from this insane trip with a story to tell. So gather round, smoke a bowl, light a ciggarette, and lets do this thing!
There was a god once, I met him last night. This is his story.
This god resides in a different different place then us, that seems in a way both connected and disconnected from our dimension. He is not all powerful(though he does have his share), but he certainly seems knowing, at least about certain things. His world being one of them.
Hmm, god might not be even the right word, in the sense it is commonly used. You see this powerful being didn't even create his world, his grandparents did. Yes, that's right! As is common for their kind, the parents of this god, who for our purposes we can call the prince, made his world for him with the help of thier parents. And a vast world it was. They had long ago evolved past the need for individual bodies, and instead built vast civilizations that functioned and operated almost completely independently, a sort of series of bio-computers that could be self-actualized, but only for the purpose of reproduction. For the most part they were programmable and followed the nature order of that programming, keeping the civilizations running.
I say civilizations yes, as there were more then just this one world the prince's grandparents had made for him, in fact there were billions, at least in the galaxy this prince knew about. And in their own way they followed their rules as well, a tiny cog in a bigger machine, just like us. Even though this being could exist everywhere, place and time he wanted and was in control of his entire world, he, like the others, got bored. Knowing everything didn't get him much, and to top it all off, his parents weren't the most just(or stable) god's you could hope for.
They split from each other, but never the prince, building their own respective castles in the two sides of the northern city. They each stayed away from each other, and over time, grew apart from the prince as well. Due to his own treatment, the prince himself became pretty withdrawn, even from himself and his world. By his own admission, he was a mistake to begin with, coming about during their fighting as a sort of means to connect them. It didn't work. The prince built his own tower, in the center, away from both of them.
Due to his relationship with his father, a bad one, the boy ignored that side of his world most of all. Even though as boys tend to due, his personality grew mostly from the innovations made by his father, a lot of them seemed corrupted. His mother was a bigger influence, mostly since he still allowed contact with her, but her influences seemed biased in their own right. Don't get me wrong, like most mothers, she just wanted to protect him, but in her own way she only built upon some of the negative conditioning the prince had to deal with from his father.
In all honesty, the prince grew up mostly on his own. Teaching himself things, that while based on the ideas and innovations coming from both halves of his city and lineage, he took to be totally his own. Still, eventually, as said, he got bored. So he peered in on our world, from time to time, as it is sometime's common for them to do. You see apparently our physical bodies afford us some advantage over these beings, not able to completely remember or understand our place, what we're a part of. It gives us the element of surprise, i suppose. This interested the prince, and by some wired coincidence of fate, he had connected and began looking in on me. This again wasn't as odd as you might think, as I'm told there is one of them for each one of us, at least. Some take more of an interest then others, in both sides of the relationship, but it is a common practice.
I first met this prince three years ago, though by my own admission I didn't really understand what he was or how we had connected. I just knew that he seemed interested in me, and made me feel as if there might be something more to life, that i too had gotten somewhat bored of. So we kind of traded off of each other in that respect, me delving deeper into his universe, and he delving deeper through mine. He knew all the rules of course, but connected through me he became a sort of child again, and the world was new to him, somewhat disconnected from his usual seat of all knowing and looking through mine, he could see the world like he apparently did at one point himself...beautiful. I had an eerily similar reaction to his world myself.
His world was fairly amazing to me. I had never been to a place like it, and struggled for some time with different definitions my brain could come up with to define it, usually failing. Our first few meetings weren't much more then each one of us trying unsuccessfully to relate and communicate with one another, but our means were so different(he didn't use language so much as thought, an intense imaging type of telepathy that can tell entire thoughts/stories with an image/representation) we usually only ended up confusing one another(most probably me more then him, but so it goes).
Over time I began to become more accustomed to visiting the prince's world, and became able to navigate it with greater efficiency. He helped of course(as did i), when he could, and together we got better at exploring each other's world. I didn't know if it was his own unique type of being or if he really had shut himself off, but exploring it through my eyes had given him a greater interest in his own world in the same way seeing mine through his did the same for me, at least while we were connected.
But as it goes with the human mind, there were complications. Not being very stable myself all the new information I was receiving became too much to handle, and despite warnings from the prince, my connection to it and it's possibilities in my own world became too much for me to take, and I drove myself insane. For two months I lived in my own little world, believing in these ideas more then ever but at the same time farther disconnected from the prince then ever before. This only made thing worse of course, as I assumed the prince was just another delusion, and everything I had worked for/discovered had been for naught. This depressed me greatly, and that depression made me realize my mistake. I had believed in something in the field where I held the firmest idea that beliefs were bad. Caused this exact sort of problem.
So when I came back to my reality I became an even heavier skeptic. Stopped meditating and trying to connect with my prince, basically returned to my sheltered existence of hiding from a world that no longer interested me. The first time we connected again(it was my fault I think), he seemed nervous, probably in his own way feeling bad for the part he had in my insanity. I didn't mind though, as this time I would take him for what he was, a probable figment of my imagination, and that was that. He seemed ok with this, but took the flow of information slower then before, with a sort of buffer between me and the higher dimensions I was forced to face rising up through his seat(this was the place I was mostly interested in in my previous travels to begin with).
Slowly but surely I began practicing the same things I had before, opening up a little faith(not belief) that there might be something else I was actually connecting too, the prince being careful for the both of us though, as I usually wasn't in a completely rational mind state when connecting in the first place. He still held most of the information back, and kept it vague, perhaps in an attempt to keep up my skepticism for me, perhaps in a way of denying his own existence.
You see I learned a lot more about this prince last night, where we connected again, this time a very full connection. He made sure I was ready for it in the trips leading up to it, and asked me specifically if I was sure before doing it during the trip this time. The old familiar feelings came rushing back after that, including some new ones from dimensions I may had forgotten about. For the first time, I think, we truly did connect, and although it was frightening at times and I thought I may have snapped and/or gone crazy again(and in the traditional/technical sense I suppose I did, at least for a little while), I somehow managed to come back out of it and back to myself the next day(today), seemingly the same, but of course having that sort of re-born "newness" added on top.
Anyway, when I was connected with him and after I spent my own countless time flying back through his world and the dimensions connecting to it I took the time to learn about him. You see apparently this prince was about as fucked up as I was, and in his own way related to me. Isolated and alone and losing interest in all the worlds around him he was looking for meaning as well. He felt bad for his living city, especially the lower levels that he assumed weren't as advances as the computerized upper/main city. I had visited through this place, and while they did seem different, i wouldn't call them less advanced. The upper cities had taken a sort of mechanical feel(where there weren't vast hallways and mass interweaving networks there seemed to be control rooms and cameras), most likely to represent the idea of his advanced computerization going on, while the lower levels seemed more biological in nature(much more colorful, in the earthy sense, whereas the upper levels were mostly a bluish and/or white, there were much more shades of red found in what could have just been seen as big organs through my eyes, but were just as interesting to explore through/around as the rest).
Anyway, he wanted his workers to be aware, to be able to connect to the experiences that we did and took for granted. It was perhaps my fault, as it was through my eyes of their energy that he was first able to (re)experience what it was like for them to work, and for the most part it was a short (by our standards at least) meaningless existence of even one simple task before being blinked away. Not that the experiences weren't interesting or fulfilling(or even enjoyable) in their own right, he just didn't think they could be fully appreciated, if there was indeed consciousness that small, without some sort of connection to a memory storage system.
So the prince got this idea, and this time it was through me, to make them aware, to expand their consciousness into his own. You see I rarely connected to the prince unaltered by a certain chemical that just so happened to seem to work as a tool of consciousness expansion, and this worked out for both of us. While the prince could seemingly enter the states I could only with the help of the chemical, the reaction it brought with me was an entirely new type of energy in his world, and as said over there energy/thought is power, so this was like a drug to him as well.
He used this drug to spread out his consciousness, as much as he could, to as much of his city as he could. He got to know each nook and cranny, each compartment, hallway, control room and vein, mechanical and biological alike. He saw billions of creatures, each with their own sets of rules, perceptions, actions and perhaps even lives, that lived around him and barley took notice, though some would offer some positive or odd looks the prince's way. Most weren't human in any sense of the word, and if were usually seemed as if it was a possible reaction to me and/or his own translations to the human life/form we had become somewhat accustomed to.
So anyway the prince tried to wake up these creatures, who when surrounded seemed fairly alive already. The prince didn't know if this was true all the time though, or just when he was around to give them life. He was still convinced with such a short span(less then seconds of our time) of life for most of them, they were being exploited. He thought if perhaps there could be a constant connection between him and his workers like there was between him and me, his world could be different from the rest. I guess a bit of me was rubbing off on him as well eh?
I didn't know who put the idea into who's head but there was also the idea of dimensions higher then even his own, we had both seemingly connected to them before. He thought if everyone in his world was united, they could possibly help and/or even take us to explore some of these higher planes, if we hadn't already, or at least try to understand them a little better. And so it went. The prince delved down deeper into himself while I dove up higher out of himself both on our respective exploratory missions, both unsure whether or not they were actually doing anything at all. While the prince held consciousness expansion rallys (basically he would pool as much as he could in a certain area to personify everyone in a certain section of a certain city and give them all the experience of becoming aware in our way as they did their job, with an effort in passing on the knowledge to those who follow) I tried to brave the harsh weathers of rising through entirely different sets of perceived vibrational frequencies then the normal physical ones I was used to.
We did this multiple times of course, tried out different methods and skills based on our past experiences, but it seemed to be working. We both seemed to be making the connections needed to seemingly enrich our lives. I was connecting to higher and higher states of being, privy to all sorts of networks of vast pure energetic systems far beyond anything we were likely able to understand, and he was waking everyone else up to become aware that it was available.
There was still one problem though, and I had assumed it was my fault right off the bat. Amidst the blue energy I had been becoming used to in helping me in my travels there was some harsh red energy, that I remembered being very negative whenever it showed up. At first I assumed it may be my connection to the physical world, and in a way I found out that I was right. You see as I came back to my body after my trips that night and got caught up on all the work the prince had been doing simultaneously, we both figured it out. It was actually his father's energy. In it's own way it was meant to help, even though it was riddled with negative programming, as already mentioned. Since we came to this assumption, I assumed the blue energy must have been his mother, and he agreed, but went one further.
He told me that while yes, it was based on his mother and father, the energy was his all along. In fact, his mother and father were a bit more abstract then even I had thought. You see apparently the logical part of his city took the role of the father, due to his own feelings with him helped me associate it as negative, even if it was just trying to help me become aware of the needs of my body and/or act on some of my own anxious programmings that I influenced. The emotional side, became the mother. A part he wasn't as connected even though he thought he was more connected to her then his father. Her energy was much more conductive to the travels, so the father easily took a backseat until he was needed for the rest of the trip.
The biggest revelation of course wasn't just that though, it was the fact that the prince had realized his mother and father weren't actually sperate from himself, and although he perceived himself as a sperate entity, it was his very creation that caused that misconception. The mother and father didn't actually exist that he knew of outside of his world, they were all merely ideas that helped keep him separate from his world. And believe me, watching/feeling them all combine to power our trips was one of the most beautiful things I had ever witnessed. It was reminiscent in a way, as I think it happened at least partially in the past, I just always perceived it in a slightly different way or defined it wrongly. I'm not saying i didn't this time around, as as said I still am very hesitant to believe anything in this subject of philosophy/spirituality, especially those drug induced, but I was just so moved by this trip that I had to write up a report about it and tell you this story.
And that's it. That's my story and I'm sticking too it. I re-met this god last night, and he finally told me his name this time. He told me his name was Steve, and that he was tired of hiding.
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I believe...that with uhhhh the advent of acid...acid...acid...acid...we discovered a new way to think, and it had to do with piecing together new thoughts of mind. Why is it that people think it's so evil. What is it about it that scares people so deeply? Because they are afraid that there's more to reality then they have confonted.
That there are doors that they're afraid to go in and they don't want us to go in there either because they think if we go in we might learn something that they don't know and that makes us a little out of thier control.-Ken Kesey |
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| LuSiD |
| Posted: Aug 20 2008, 11:32 PM |
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Fourth Plateau
Group: Members
Posts: 418
Member No.: 1945
Joined: 16-March 04
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You know, I talked to you in irc earlier about the old days of yore, when trip reports were given a lot more respect than they are now. Unfortunately the dv has begun to stray from its roots in many ways...reading this completely brought back the feelings of how many of the best trip reports relate to our experiences.
To begin, I love the idea of turning a trip report into a story. You were able to keep me enthralled from beginning to end. While I interpreted it slightly different than you intended, I loved it even before I truly understood what you were alluding to in the last paragraph.
Now let me explain:
See I interpreted 'God' as you referenced it in the story, as a being (while not meant to be literal) it was a being that you associated with having characteristics much like yourself. I felt as though you were viewing who you could be and who you were, or perhaps who you wanted to be. At the end it all comes together when you let it be known that you are both one and the same.
The imagery of being a tiny cog in a massive machine, while not being exactly innovative, is a very good metaphor for what we all feel. I really like how you expressed sharing ideas with each other when you were 'in another realm' perse. I've experienced a lot of internal revelations about myself when in that state of mind. It's good that you have that ability to step outside yourself and see you for who you really are. as strange as it may seem not a lot of people can do that.
I think your interpretation of your consciousness or awareness of life is quite amazing for someone who constantly refers to themselves as crazy. We all have our moments where we walk the tight rope of insanity. No one is beyond this. The thing is, you have to learn not to dwell on thoughts of insanity, take them with a grain of salt.
All in all this is a very great introspective report of who you are. I think a lot of us can relate to the things you feel. Especially feeling as if there are two sides of you, and you wanting to take the best of both worlds. I really like how you explained traversing the 'princes' world. It brought me back to many of my own experiences (with varying hallucinogens) where I would get very judgmental about my own life and where I was headed. Yet, I would see the proper path I should take...the real test is whether you walk that line or choose not to. I like to look at those thoughts as INSTINCT. All humans are ingrained with a vital survival skill and that is instinct. My suggestion to you would be to follow that instinct, if your true of heart nothing can steer you astray.
I can understand why you can be weary of giving into your instinct and theories, but do not be afraid to evolve. I know exactly where you're coming from when you talk about questioning the sanity of these thoughts. After reading this, I do not see an insane person in any way. Perhaps someone who over thinks situations at time, but like you said, the line between insanity and genius is quite thin. You remind me of any artist, that over active imagination coupled with creativity leads to some thoughts that many would view as 'off' or 'crazy'. But, really you're just a person of your own mind. Crazy is in the eye of the beholder. All in all you some up the whole story perfectly with And that's it. That's my story and I'm sticking too it. I re-met this god last night, and he finally told me his name this time. He told me his name was Steve, and that he was tired of hiding.
Great CLOSING Line!
Steve, continue writing about your experiences. It's very interesting to see how well you connect with the dissociative state of mind, and how good you are at pulling out the positives from it. Again, that's something not everyone can do. You truly understand the reason why I and many others love hallucinogens. There are many out there who use DXM just to get fucked up. I have been one of these people at times, but in this short story you brought me back to a lot of what I enjoyed most about the experiences I've had. Continue your exploration of the astral plane, and your spirituality. I understand your hesitation, but explore your own spirituality as much as you can and don't be afraid to believe. Belief is not a path to a psychotic breakdown, always remember to take a second look at your revelations when sober.
This post has been edited by LuSiD on Aug 20 2008, 11:36 PM
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<+Hunter_S_Thompson> im not paranoid
SINGLE GREATEST LINE EVER WRITTEN IN IRC... |
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| Unnamed |
| Posted: Aug 21 2008, 12:40 PM |
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Every day is a gift, but does it have to be socks?
Group: Retired mods
Posts: 3930
Member No.: 5380
Joined: 9-June 05
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Wow, thanks alot man.  I am honestly hoping that now I will start to go down a different path and not just fall back into old habits/conditioning/programming, but I do still stand by my aversion to belief in this regard. I'm opening up to faith though, and I think we've discussed this in IRC, whereas faith is ok as it opens you up to the possible possibilities, belief implies a known and while may open you up to one possible possibility, usually closes you off to all the others, especially if it is a really nice belief that you attach yourself too for whatever reason.
I still agree with you about the old days of yore hehe, I would love it if more people read trip reports and I could get some more feedback on these odd experiences that I still wonder about myself, as I really don't wan't to mold all these ideas entirely without outside advise(but that could just be the old worry about driving myself insane again hehe). Either way thanks alot for ur input on it, glad to know I'm still connecting to relatable experiences and not some sort of crazy reaction to my own brain. I will try and write more about my experiences, but for the most part my trip reports have been few and far between, usually only when something big happens, and not over every trip where I usually end up doing mostly the same thing(alot of which was described in this and previous trip reports).
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I believe...that with uhhhh the advent of acid...acid...acid...acid...we discovered a new way to think, and it had to do with piecing together new thoughts of mind. Why is it that people think it's so evil. What is it about it that scares people so deeply? Because they are afraid that there's more to reality then they have confonted.
That there are doors that they're afraid to go in and they don't want us to go in there either because they think if we go in we might learn something that they don't know and that makes us a little out of thier control.-Ken Kesey |
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